Life Update: How I’m Handling Life as a Kindergarten Teacher Mom

If I’m being 100% percent honest with myself, I never really wanted to go back to teaching yet. I just wasn’t ready. When I took a year of family leave after giving birth to my second child, Wesley, I had hopes and dreams of staying home for a while until all of my kids were in school. My commute, the long days, the stress…I just knew I would struggle. Teacher mom wasn’t the life I wanted right now.

Obviously it didn’t work out that way…because here I am. A Kindergarten teacher mom.

The road to even get back in to the classroom was an up and down rollercoaster starting back in February of 2024. I finally landed at my current position three or four weeks before the 2024-2025 school year started. I think I felt a little resentment for this process taking away from me being present with my family (the whole point of me taking the year off). I was really stressed out during those months with all of the changes happening, but I plastered a fake smile on my face to try and keep it together for the people around me.

I kept gaslighting myself that it was all going to be okay. I was going to be Hattie’s teacher….how amazing (it really is though)! Welsey was going to be well taken care of at an incredible daycare. Having a reliable salary would help Colt feel less stressed, and he wouldn’t have to work overtime anymore. It all just seemed like everything fell into place the way that it was supposed to, and I recognized that and felt grateful.

But I just couldn’t shake the anxious feelings creeping in reminding me how hard it is to balance life as a teacher mom. Would I be able to give everyone what they needed me to give? How would I keep my energy levels up for my family? (I knew they would be the ones to get the last of me.)

On top of it all, right before school started I found out that I was going to need two, possibly three more back surgeries. I wasn’t ready to deal with all of that, so I just got a steroid injection the first week of school and continued to push through.

Surprisingly, I have fallen absolutely IN LOVE with Kindergarten, which is crazy, because I told myself that I’d never teach it. I love their sweet innocence. I love how funny they are. I love how eager they are to learn. It just all came so naturally. And they are honestly top 3 of my very favorite groups of kids I’ve taught in my 11 years of teaching. I couldn’t have asked for a better group of kids to enter back into teaching. Definitely a God wink.

My school is amazing as always. I love the people that I work with. I have a para with me at least 90% of the time I am with students. My teaching partner is great. Planning is not a problem, and I don’t take any work home with me. (Yes..I’m still using whole group instruction with Kinders…and it works!)

I feel at home when I am in the classroom, and I love it.

At home, it’s been hard.

My mom guilt engulfs me. The minute I get home, I find myself unpacking from the day and repacking for the next. I spend very little present time with my kids. I always say I just need one more hour. My house feels chaotic, and I spend most of Saturday rage cleaning to keep up.

By October I’ve lost close to 5 or 10 pounds since school started. I have frequent headaches. I feel the need to drink an energy drink just to function, and I have a stomach ache no matter if I eat or don’t eat. My cycle is all out of whack, and it feels like I’ve been on my period for over a month.

Fast forward to fall break. I can’t help but look forward to time. That’s all I want. Time.

Time to clean. Time to play with my kids. Time to rest. Time to have fun.

It doesn’t happen that way. Our weekend actually ends up completely booked with family stuff, and then I had to make a last minute trip to the city (we live close to an hour away) for a dentist appointment for Hattie.

This was when my first attack happened. Yep…like a mini anxiety attack, and I totally snapped on my mom, because she wasn’t able to help with Wesley while I took Hattie to the dentist.

My life feels like it is happening to me instead of for me…and I hate not being in control.

My next anxiety attack happened at school. So embarrassing! That week, I was late for a morning meeting, report cards were looming, one of my students was moving away, and I needed to make sub plans so I could go a a training. It was already a recipe for disaster, but then things totally spiraled the day of the training.

It’s stupid that I lost it over sub plans…but in a way, I totally get it. Sub plans are the WORST!

The night before, a parent caught me after school and by the time we were done talking I had to hurry Hattie back to our hometown for tumbling. So I wasn’t able to make my sub plans then. I told myself that it was okay, and that I’d get to school early and put them together.

Of course, we were late, so I pretty much had just enough time to get prepared for our morning. Luckily, I didn’t need the sub plans until after lunch. So during recess, I printed what I was going to need. Then, right before lunch, I whipped my plans together while my students were on chromebooks. I had a para in my room, so I told him I was just going to slip down to the copier to grab the plans. From the time that it took me to get to the copier and back to my classroom, a little incident with chromebooks had happened and Hattie was involved. So I had to take my students to our behavior specialist while I got the rest of the class ready for lunch. In the meantime, my sub had arrived and was waiting for me in my room. As I’m heading back down to my classroom, I see Hattie waiting to apologize and crying. My mom guilt went through the roof. I felt so bad that I had been unprepared and not in the room to help monitor the students. I know I can’t protect her from everything, but I knew she felt bad and I felt like it was my fault.

So I completely lose it and start crying while I’m still trying to put together the sub plans while the sub is just camped out at my table….and I just need a tampon out of my bag that she is sitting right next to. So awkward.

Looking back, I know that I would have been able to pull it together if I had just had some space. Not being able to escape from the situation made it so much worse.

The worst part is that I had to run back to the copier visibly upset. And it’s lunchtime, so it’s very busy in the workroom. I NEVER cry or wear my emotions on my sleeve at work. I’m always able to stay positive even if my life is falling apart. So my coworkers, principal included, are concerned to say the least…and if you’re anything like me, when people ask if you are okay it only makes the tears come harder.

Buuuut….I had to pull it together and go to my training. Which was not productive at all for me because I was just trying not to cry uncontrollably the whole time. I remember my chest hurting so bad, and I just wanted to scoop Hattie out of class, pick Wesley up from daycare and GO HOME!

I know I should probably see a therapist, and I still might…but it’s annoying to think that without teaching in my life I wouldn’t need to.

Anyway, all this to say that it was the wakeup call that I needed. The invisible load that teachers carry is heavy and wayyy more than anyone should ever have to deal with…add being a mom on top of that, and it’s just flat out hard and painful and heartbreaking at times.

I’m a problem solver. So yes, I took the weekend to just sit in my frustration and cry more, but I’ve also been working really hard behind the scenes. A good hard. A hard that is helping me feel better and able to manage things easier. I definitely don’t want to gate keep, but I’ll share how I’m handling stress in another blog post since this one is getting a little long. haha

For now, I want you to know that if you made it this far, thank you for being here. Instead of plastering a fake smile on my face, I want to share the good, the bad, and the ugly with you. And if you are feeling the same way that I am feeling, please remember that it’s okay to love your teaching job and resent it at the same time.